Bold & Bella

I want to be a writer. A real, published, pay-my-bills-with-my-words author of articles, books, you name it. It hit me about 4 years ago that this thing that I've always done could actually be a career. (Yes, I know that there are plenty of people who have real, professional writing careers, but it had never occurred to me that I could actually be one of them). So here I am, 4 years after this epiphany...and I'm still not a professional. Instead, I've stopped and started multiple projects and questioned my abilities each time. At the start of this year, I told myself that I'd have to do things differently if I wanted to take my work to the next level. If I want to be taken seriously, I have to be serious.  What I'm sharing below is a literal page out of my journal from a day when I was struggling with inspiration: 14 - June - 2020 There are days when I wake up inspired. I could crank out 2 new blog posts, and 1,000 new words for my manuscript with no p...

"I just don't have the time."  That is the number one sentence I hear right after someone tells me about a goal of theirs. I would lose weight but... I want to go back to school but... I want to hang out more with my kids but... Friends, anyone who knows me knows that I'm the friend you turn to when you're ready to hear the truth. I won't sugarcoat it, and I won't concern myself too much with your feelings, because being straightforward is a much better use of both of our time. So here we go... "I just don't have the time" is an excuse. You tell that to yourself to justify why you haven't even attempted going after this thing you want. As a matter of fact, you repeat it so much, internally and out loud, that you have really convinced yourself that this thing they call "time" is truly not a thing you possess. But...aren't there 24 hours in your day? The same 24 hours that are in my day, in Oprah's day, in J....

We all have a person in our lives that makes us want to do better. It could be a family member, significant other, a friend...this person sparks something inside of you that makes you think you should be acting differently. Over the years, I have noticed that people act differently around me. My friends order less fries (or substitute them altogether) at lunch, or someone who's put on some weight feels compelled to explain their plight to me without prompting. I don't ask, people just tell.I'm not even the most FIT person out there. I guess I just have a reputation of taking care of myself (which I am super proud of, TBH). To me it seems like people feel compelled to share because they want to do better, maybe even want my help, but can't commit. It works the other way too, by the way. People who DO ask for my help but fall off the wagon will literally avoid me. Cut. Me. Off. Ghosted, as the cool kids would say. It's not my favorite thing, but I get it. Some p...

"Most women, regardless of where they grew up or what their cultural background is, have been taught essentially that to be a good woman is to be good for other people." That is a direct quote from Rachel Hollis' book, Girl, Stop Apologizing. The first part of the book is dedicated to exploring the excuses that women use for not pursing their dreams or living their authentic lives. In the very first chapter, she addresses the excuse that speaks to me the most: "It's not What Other Women Do." What does this mean?  It means that we hold ourselves back from doing and saying the things that we truly want to do and say because it's just not what we're "supposed" to do. I could go on and on about the expectations placed on women in our world, but the POINT is that those expectations have a tendency to shape the way we THINK, and our thoughts are what drive our words and actions...so those are pretty important. The issue is that we have ...

So many people are living unsatisfied. They wake up, they go to work, they pay their bills, but there's something missing. Most of us need a reason to get up in the morning. Not just any reason, but one that compels us to get up and get going. A purpose. So many people are frustrated because they haven't found their purpose, and they will keep going around in circles until they realize a fundamental truth. See, your life's purpose isn't something that you figure out. That implies that you're just supposed to stumble upon it, or that the heavens will open up one day and you'll be able to look up and see exactly what you're supposed to be doing with your life. That sounds amazing, but it's made for movies, not for real life. You get to CHOOSE how you want to live.  What's going to get you out of bed every morning? What excites and motivates you? What do you WANT your life to stand for? Choose that thing and then live to fulfill it on purpose. Then...

Let me tell you a story... When I was 11 years old, my mom came home from the store, burst into my bedroom and, with the widest smile on her face, told me, "I have a surprise for you!" I can't remember what I was holding, but I dropped it, stood up and ran to where she stood, asking what it was and when I could see it. Beaming, she told me that it was something I'd wanted my whole life, and then told me to shut my eyes. "Open them," she said. When I did, she had her hand extended out toward me, holding a tiny book with orange, purple, and pink blocks, and a mirror shaped like a heart on the cover. "It's a diary!" she exclaimed, turning it over so that I could see the lock on the side and handing me two, tiny keys.  Excited, but confused, I asked her what I'm supposed to do with it. "You can write anything you want in there, and then you lock it so that nobody else can read it."  "Like secrets?" I asked. ...

As a mom, the issues/crises affecting our world today hit me differently. I don't just worry about myself, but about my children, their future children, and their future children's children. I worry about the world that they will inherit, and the fact that it's my job to teach them how to navigate it. To say that it's a huge responsibility is a gross understatement. This weight that I carry on my heart is heavy enough to make me catch my breath and lie awake at night, eventually sneaking into my babies' rooms to watch them sleep. How on Earth can I guard that peace? I can't. There is SO much about my children's lives that will have absolutely nothing to do with me. They will have their own experiences, be influenced by different people, and eventually create their own beliefs. Sure, now that they're small I have a lot of say-so over the who, what and when in their day-to-day, but that won't always be the case. My role is to be their gui...

Practice makes perfect. That's how the saying goes, right? Time and time again, from a very young age, we are told that if we just put in enough work, we will eventually achieve perfection. Well, excuse my language, but that's a bunch of bullsh*t. Perfection is, first of all, not a real thing, and second of all, not the actual goal. We shouldn't ever aim to be perfect, but to be a better version of ourselves today than we were yesterday. When you're starting something new, it's easy to talk yourself out of giving it a real shot because, well, you're not perfect. All the other people who do this thing are amazing at it and you, quite frankly, suck, so why even bother? The answer is simple: The only way to get better at something is to keep doing it.  Annoying, I know. Nobody likes doing something that they're not good at. It's highly tempting, and far more satisfying, to stay away from this new thing and stick to what you're good at. Then yo...

Change is hard. For some people, it's nearly impossible, and the mere mention of the word throws them into a state of sweaty-palmed panic. Others get really excited, make lists and buy the things on that list to catapult themselves into this new way of being...only to revert back to their old habits within a week (if that). Change gets a bad rap because, whether you're super into it or not, it's monumentally challenging. Our habits are so much a part of us that any alteration feels like we are on our way to being a completely different person. Regardless of how you view it, though, change is a necessary and inevitable part of life. So how do you make it happen? How does one make a real, lasting change? The answer is going to blow your mind, and not because it's anything out of this world or super complex, but rather because of just how incredibly simple it is. Ready? Do what works for you. (insert mind-blown emoji here). I know what you're thinking... WH...

I once read in a book that what other people think about you is none of your business.  It took me a few reads of that line for it to really sink in.      It's none of my business?        It's none of my business.         It's none of my business? WHY is it none of my business? Because it's a thought in someone else's  head, and what happens in someone else's head has no impact on me whatsoever. The only opinion of me that matters is the one that I have. It's truly none of my business what goes on inside of a mind that is not my own and that mentality has been a game changer for me.  I have to confess: I like to be liked. I have met people who genuinely don't give AF about what anyone else thinks of them. In fact, I'm married to one. My husband happily goes about his life, doing and saying as he pleases, never pausing to even consider what someone else may thing, much less someone he...

Working from home has always been a dream of mine. I even got my Bachelor's in Entrepreneurship because I was going to own my own business, be my own boss, control my own destiny...you get it. Now, in this dream, I envisioned having a beautiful, clutter-free office space. It would be filled with inspirational quotes and pictures, have a cute little desktop, a printer, notebooks, fancy pens...can you tell I get excited about office supplies? Oh, and the window! It would have a tall, gorgeous window to let all the natural light in, and an over-sized chair next to it, where I could sit and do my research or organize my thoughts. Can you see it? More importantly, can you hear it? The silence.  It's a room. With a door. A room where no other humans, tiny or otherwise, would be allowed to enter, much less interrupt. Beautiful, isn't it? Well, now that my dream has come true and I actually am able to work from home, my reality is much less picturesque. Overnight, my entire...

Life is always a little uncertain, but never quite the way it's been in the last couple of weeks. A little over a week ago, I was having dinner with my husband. We had an impromptu date night to celebrate some good news when the TV screen in the bar flashed, "Breaking News: NBA to cancel the remainder of the season after tonight's games." ...umm what? The domino-effect of events that took place after that announcement was surreal, and today, a mere week and half later, people across the country are sitting in their homes, contemplating this new reality. Schools are going virtual, people are working from home, or are not working at all. Cities, Counties, and even entire states have been ordered to stay at home, and limit gathering in groups, or gathering at all. Seemingly overnight, the entire world changed. For some, drastic change is a scary thing, and even more so when it's attached to scary-sounding words like, "pandemic." As humans, it's ...

Marie Forleo must be my spirit animal because reading her book, Everything is Figureoutable , has felt a lot like reading my own diary. Her emphasis on walking your own path and honoring your own journey, rather than trying to squeeze yourself into the box of expectations put on you by society, social media and your mother, is so similar to my own way of living. Of course, I'd be lying to you if I told you that I've always been this way. It's almost impossible to avoid that phase when you are trying so very hard to be what you think you are expected to be. For me, it was right after college. I'd done everything I was supposed to do, including getting married, graduating and having a baby, all in that order. Even though I'd already accomplished more than my own parents at that age, I still felt like there was something I wasn't doing right. Most of you know that feeling, the deadline that screams "You should've accomplished X, Y, and Z by now and...

You know what the best part about being a kid is? Fearlessness. When my daughter was learning to walk, she would fall. All. The. Time. She'd take a few steps, lose her balance, fall face first, and of course cry her eyes out. Then she'd get up and try it again. When she got bold enough to try to run, it was like she was discovering our house for the first time. Her feet would go too fast for her little mind to keep up and she'd inevitably run into a wall or a table and fall flat on her butt. You would think that it would've taught her to slow it down, pay more attention. Nope. She'd get up and go full speed, again and again. As adults, we are very risk averse. If we were in my daughter's shoes, we'd only have to fall that one time. Our brains register pain and suffering as giant STOP signs and we do not proceed, much less get up and try again. As we grow up, we lose that fearlessness and replace it with extreme caution, bordering on perfectionism. We ...

"Action is the fastest and most direct route to clarity."   -Marie Forleo, Everything is Figureoutable  Most books and articles on career and business-building advise people seeking success to focus on a "niche," a specialty that will set you apart from your competitors. Basically, to be successful, you have to narrow your brand and be the person that people think of when they think (insert industry, craft or trade here). This has always been somewhat of a challenge for me because I have never wanted to do just one thing, nor do I believe that I am only talented and suited for one particular field. I want to do it all, and I truly believe that I can do it well. Of course, like most people, I tried to focus. When I was little and people would ask me what I wanted to be when I grew up, I'd spout off whatever idea had popped into my head that day... a ballerina, a lawyer, a teacher, a singer, a model! I figured that one day I'd grow up and just know...

There are people in the world who are perfectly content doing the same thing day in and day out. These individuals thrive off of their routines and are happiest in their comfort zone...I am not one of those people. When it comes to the people I love, I am highly committed and loyal. My RODs (Ride or Dies) have been with me since high school, and even my husband and I have been together since I was 17. But when it comes to my career, I'm all over the place. By the age of 25 I'd already had 15 different jobs, and I didn't start working until I was 16. It's not that I am afraid to commit, it's more that I have got a serious case of FOMO (Fear of Missing Out...I know I just saved 30% of you from having to Google it...you're welcome!). There are SO many things that I want to do with my life that I dabble in a little of everything. The problem with that is that it's easy to take on too much, get burned out, and quit altogether. At one point a couple of years a...

One of the greatest pieces of advice that I've ever received is to stay in the moment. We live in an extremely busy time. Everyone is always on the move, thinking about their next move, or actively planning a move, at all times. There is no rest, and because of that, it's easy to miss out on the everydayness of life (yes, I just made that word up, and I'm going to leave it there. It's cute.) The trouble I have with this advice, though, is that staying in the moment can lead a busy bee like me to get stuck. I am the kind of person who is constantly working on something, and a lack thereof can make me feel like I'm in a rut. There is a fine line between being at peace and being complacent, and it can be hard not to fall into the latter. The key is finding a balance between the present and the future.  I know, but how?  It's important to have goals, and to take steps everyday to achieve them. For example, if your goal is to save for a down payment on ...

January is the time for New Year's Resolutions (read: promises that people make to themselves that they highly promote on their IG, #NewYearNewMe...and then fizzle out by March). Before you get angry and take what you just read personally, know that if you've been offended, it's because there's some truth to it.  SO many people make commitments at the beginning of the year and then don't even make it to the summer before they give up. Why? Usually it's because whatever they've committed to is way too drastic of a change (say you've never, ever gone running a day in your life and you suddenly commit to running 3 miles a day for the entire year...), or life happens, and suddenly a promise that seemed so worthwhile now feels impossible (i.e. you promised that you'd save for that vacation you've been wanting to take, but you lose your job...Depressing, I know, but I'm trying to keep it real here).  This year, I have decided to try som...

2020 is just a few days away. It's extra special because it's not just the beginning of a new year, but the beginning of a new decade.  If you're like most people, the last few days before a new year are filled with reflection on the year that has passed, and goal-setting for the year that is come. This time, though, you're likely reflecting on the last 10 years of your life. (It still blows my mind that I'm able to think about the last 10 years of my life with actual memories...being 30 is really something!) Ya know what else most people do? Look back on their lives with a focus on what hasn't happened, rather than on what has. For some reason, many of us get caught up in other people's timelines when thinking about what we've done with our lives, and we compare where we are to where social media, our friends, or society in general tell us we should be. Do yourself a favor and don't compare your life to anyone else's.  Think back on the ...

One of the greatest pieces of advice that I've ever received was a cousin to the familiar "Happiness is a choice," that you may have seen plastered on many an Instagram feed: "Overwhelm is a mindset"  I wish I had been cool enough to come up with that on my own, but the #bossbabe who actually penned the phrase is Jen Sincero (author of You Are a Badass, which you should 100% read, if you haven't already). In her tiny book, You Are a Badass Everyday, Jen (I can call her that. We're friends, right, Jen?) goes on to say that feeling overwhelmed is making the choice to focus on everything all at once, rather than what's in front of you in the moment. I have been guilty of unnecessary overwhelm. I'd wake up in the morning and immediately go through my to-do list: OK, I've got to get up, have my coffee, work out by 5:00, shower by 5:40, wake up the kids at 6:00am sharp, get them both dressed and get out the door by 6:40... This wou...